Just over 4 years ago I was born anew in the form of mother. Those things that came before - a psychology degree, AT thru hike, years as a barista, a special period of land based mentorship alongside my dad, running a farmers market stand for almost a decade - suddenly had very little significance as I stepped away from my maidenhood.

The themes that have persisted since Meissa's birth are hearty seeds worthy of my tending. Motherhood has a way of sifting out the chafe. I am learning how my current roles - as mother, self directed learning community organizer, part time program coordinator with the Mental Health Association of Cleveland County, and fellow Ardean - are all deeply intertwined. I am weaving a basket with many different species of wild vines. Together they are forming a container to hold beauty, grief, and ultimately healing.

My dad's death in May 2021 marks another significant moment in my biography. Having lived here at Ardea his entire life (except 4 years of college) and having done the same myself, my worldview had to be completely torn apart and rebuilt over the course of a year of grieving. Now I value my altar tending at least as much, and probably more, than my annual garden tending. I understand that my time on earth is precious and fleeting.

As my priorities have changed, my basket has become deep, strong, gnarly, grief-filled, and absolutely captivating. I'm eager to keep weaving with beauty as my guide. I want to leave this intangible heirloom - sacred, place-based culture - for the wildlings that will inhabit Ardea after my own spirit has infused back into the landscape.

Something happened to me nearly twenty years ago. I was approaching my mid-twenties when I left, or fled, the unsettling and violent culture of south Georgia where I had lived most of my days. Because I was both discontent and curious, I had seen glimpses of a world that had more to offer.

And so I left, initially landing in the north Georgia mountains, where I lived with my currently estranged and always eccentric father, in what amounted to a solar-powered cave. This served as a complicated landing pad while I awaited what would come next. And what came next would change my life. The summer of 2006 found me arriving for an internship at the Sequatchie Valley Institute in Tennessee. What was initially a seasonal internship blossomed into a staff position and a 3 year stay to play, work, live, and learn. It was there I was given a vision that I still carry with me.

Before settling in North Carolina, I would spend a couple of years in intentional communities, with varying degrees of dysfunction, as well as travel by vehicle across the country, including a year-long sojourn in the Pacific Northwest. Homesick for the Southeast, I returned and landed in North Carolina toward the end of 2011. Over the next 2 years I would become certified in holistic herbalism and permaculture design, fall in love with Stacey, and begin rooting myself into the land that would come to be known as Ardea.

My foundation is built of Meissa, Stacey, and Ardea. To each of these I strive to be an infatuated and devoted student. These relationships are ‘why’ I move about the world.

And from these relationships arises ‘how’ I move about the world. Being brought to your knees by Grief can change you. And, a couple of years ago, it changed me. My desperation led me more fully engage the world of spirit that I knew existed. From that spirited place my existence is punctuated by seeking connection to, and cultivating relationship with, the Otherworld, the divinity within and without. I offer this to the world as a mystic and animist.

I consider myself in ongoing recovery from settler culture: unlearning and rewiring, discovering how to love myself. Sober now, many moons ago I drank booze daily, often into oblivion. I’m recovering from that too.

Among more practical elements I incorporate into existing: forager, wildcrafter, naturalist, herbalist, nurseryman, and homesteader.

I will end with some advice. Do not ask yourself where you want to live. Ask yourself where you want to die. And go there.

The 4 year old perspective of Meissa Cedar could be best expressed through a drawing, figurative dance, or costume. However, for the purpose of this space we'll share some things she wanted the world to know.

First and foremost she loves dinosaurs and loves to play. Her favorite wild foods are berries, especially strawberries. She delights in long adventures with her “dada” to a variety of wild locations within a 1 - 2 hour drive from Ardea. She is studying to be a paleontologist and also considers herself an artist. One of her greatest joys is food and a potluck is her kind of party.